Cuomo Calls Nursing Home Scandal : ‘Republican Hoax’


New York’s governor Andrew Cuomo is not having the best time of his career.  Previously on the fast track in the Democratic party, well-liked and respected for his leadership and plain, logical talk during the worst period of the Trump plague, the thin-faced gabbagoul has seen his star quickly fall.

“Remember when I ran for President and now I ended up as a greeter at the Mar-a-lago Wal-Mart?”

The details of several scandalous wrongdoings have come to light, including the governor underreporting the true scope of nursing home related Covid deaths to cover up his own unwise decision to isolate the elderly together in close quarters ; not to mention the myriad of accusations of inappropriate behavior towards female staff and underlings.

Now under investigation, Cuomo is calling the accusations “A hoax”, and claims all of the tales are a huge Republican hit job, centered around what he insists is “fake news.”  Sandy Batt of the Empire State Queeferly reported his statement.

“Normally, within the Democratic party, when one of our own is caught doing something illegal or immoral, we take action, as with John Edwards or Al Franken.  But since the advent of Republicans like Trump simply denying everything and crying ‘fake news’ and emerging unscathed and unpunished, I’ve decided to go that route, despite any and all evidence.”

“I didn’t do it.  It’s all fake news.  Never happened.  Just ‘locker room talk.’  Hit job by the conservative media.  They just want money.  Russia, Russia, Russia.  No governor has ever had this kind of thing done to them ever.  Those women aren’t pretty enough for me.  So there.”

Also, Lindsey Graham is a truck driving navy seal quarterback with women dropping their panties at his every beck and call.

Normally, such Trumpian double-speak and insulting nonsense would only be effective with right wing cult members and the almost comically corrupt leadership of the GOP.  But this strategic turnabout may have some legs with an exasperated liberal left.

“Why not,” remarked Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi during a press conference after the statement.  “I mean, simply reshaping reality worked for that fat bumbling loser for four years.  Let’s give it a shot.”

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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