Bank Garnishments To Repay Stimulus Checks Pushed To September

GREAT!

Are you one of the millions of Americans that have received their stimulus aid check from President Trump to help you navigate the stormy waters of our current national crisis? If so, use it wisely, and have no fear.  The date set to have it paid back through automatic garnishment of your personal bank account has been reset, from mid-August until September.

It wouldn’t be a bad idea to buy a flashlight – it’s hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain.

The generous loans, bearing only the smallest 2% interest rates, have been set for a longer period of collection, thanks to a deal struck between administration officials and Congress, led by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.   Pelosi had previously set the repayment date for a month earlier, but the President’s continued bungling of the virus response, coupled with an increase in the rate of citizen protest causing infection rates to soar and further slow progress has called for the necessary extension.  Sandy Batt of the First National Queef Bank elaborated:

“President Trump has been solidly pushing to reopen the economy despite any cost to American lives, and he seems to be supported by a growing number of suicidal bumbledicks who, collectively, don’t understand what a ‘viral pandemic’ is and just desperately need to run to the mall and sneeze on a Hot Topic employee.  That’s why we need to make such a provision for the loan payback. It was also not made clear that the stimulus was merely a temporary loan program, but this minor detail will be corrected pretty quickly when the money is re-acquired through garnishment.  But there’s plenty of time.  You’re welcome, America.”

Just make sure you have the money, or Big Rog here is gonna pay you a little visit, capisce?

It is truly comforting to know that we finally have a leader that thinks of us, the little people, when it comes to financial security and the need for a little temporary help.  Remember for the next few months to make your extra bounty count!

About Fallis Gunnington 142 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

Be the first to comment