Ocasio-Cortez Bill Requires Seniors to Renew Driver’s Licenses Monthly


Just as Alvin and the Chipmunks had “Chipette”, the unnecessary cutesy female character that added nothing intelligent to the mix, so the Democratic Congress has Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.  Full of grand ideas and possibly marshmallow fluffernutter, she’s forever striving to make a name for herself.  Besides “Princess Sissy of Socialistia”.

The former princess of Socialistia, Summer III was unfortunately choked to death when an animated bluebird flew into her mouth and into her esophagus. The bird now resides in Palm Springs. No charges were filed.

AOC’s latest brainstorm is house bill 3868, the “Magoo Vehicular Safety Act”, which mandates a requirement that all citizens over the age of 65 and in possession of a valid driver’s license must renew it on a monthly basis and submit to a rudimentary vision test in order to remain legal to operate.  This suggestion is not only blatantly ageist, but will lead to a shocking waste of government resources.  The Diminutive dollface explained herself to a random assemblage outside of the Macy’s at the mall :

“Okay, like, it’s way too dange for these grandpeople to be Oldsmobiling around when they’re half blind.  This is for safety.  And I know what you’re thinking.  The DMV won’t be able to keep up.  Well, they’ll have to hire more people.  That’s jobs.  See, regulation doesn’t kill jobs.  It creates them.  Okay.  Ttfn.”

This DMV employee was tragically disfigured by rambunctious Hogwarts teenagers applying for their written tests.

The bill is set to pass through Congress this week, but will probably stall in The Senate simply because Mitch McConnell will be too busy collecting checks from arms manufacturers and tobacco lobbyists to even notice.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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