Kellyanne Conway Takes a Job With Fox News

Kellyanne Conway might be leaving the White House, but we won’t have to wait long to see her bright, smiling face again.

According to our sources at Fox News, the soon to be former Trump Senior Aide and candidate for mother of the year for her sacrifice will start a new job there sometime next month:

“Kellyanne definitely needed to take some time off to sort out the issues with her traitorous little daughter, but that should only take a week or two. We’re hoping to see her here shortly after next weekend.”

Conway’s daughter has been making waves and denouncing her parents after attending liberally biased indoctrination centers in Washington, also known as “school.”

A family insider says Conway feels the need to head home to give people the illusion that she cares about her family as much as she cares about the President:

“Kellyanne has spent the past almost four years in a political bubble, doing everything in her power to make a moron sound like an intelligent, capable leader. It’s more than a full-time job, and it’s come at a great cost.

“Before this, she was able to pretend she cared about America, her family, and her dignity. Now, with those lies exposed, she needs to refocus her real-life campaign and move people into a more favorable view of her.

“The plastic surgery didn’t help. She was more recognizable as the Crypt Keeper. The plastic face thing is just odd.”

Fox hasn’t released an official statement, but those close with the Sean Hannity show say he’s looking forward to collaborating with her and hopes he gets a chance to “tap that fine ass.”

Most Americans disagree, holding the opinion that Kellyanne has the body of an 8-year-old boy. Of course, that may be what Hannity likes so much.

Either way, good luck, Kellyanne! We’ll miss you at the White House but we hope you take Chris Wallace’s job!

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 163 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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