Nicole Bagwell, 31, started Ash Wednesday this morning at her church, and expressed her strong faith in our Lord by anointing her head with ashes. Afterwards, she and her friends planned to catch brunch at their local Bennigan’s in Cousin Hole, Mississippi, where things then became decidedly ridiculous. Manager John Guluv, whom employees confirm is an avowed liberal Democrat, accused Nicole of wearing “blackface”, and refused her service, calling her and her entourage “racist redhats”. They were all made to leave with only the whiff of eggs Benedict in their nostrils to soothe their empty stomachs.
Attorney Jennifer Walters of Mississippi’s Wolfram and Hart law firm isn’t letting what she sees as a cheap left wing stunt go, however. She’s representing Bagwell pro-boner and charging the manager, as well as the Bennigans chain with religious discrimination. The counsel made a short statement to the Mississippi Daily Hipwader:
“It’s clear that this incident was no mistake. Every good, clean American knows what Ash Wednesday is. This is yet another example of supposedly ‘tolerant’ liberals objecting to freedom of religious expression to satisfy their atheistic socialist agenda. Well, they picked on the wrong Christian this time. Mr. Guluv will be managing the dishwasher when I’m done with him. Jesus saves.”
Bennigans upper management did not respond to calls for a statement, possibly because the chain has not operated for more than a decade. But this matter will not go unchallenged. If they first come after you for ashes, the next step is Auschwitz. Wait. No, the next step is your guns. Then Auschwitz. Well, maybe, especially in this case, your Bible would be second, and then the guns. And then probably your hollandaise. So there won’t even be eggs benedicts. And then Auschwitz. Believe it.