Julian Assange Killed With Poison Gas in Protective Custody

The Clinton Crime Family has pulled off the murder of the century. Julian Assange, the leader of the digital revolution that helped elect Donald Trump, has been murdered, according to our source in Lithuania:

“Mossad met the Brits at the border and brought him to a little town just outside Nazareth. There were no rooms available, so they brought to him to a local stable and occupied one of their storage buildings. Mossad says they lost 4 agents when everyone in the building suddenly just dropped dead, including Assange.”

Our source can neither confirm nor deny that Assange was actually present, lest he loses his security clearance parking cars at Dulles on weekends. Out of respect, we’re not crediting this very disturbing photo of dead Assange to anyone in particular:

The vultures were added later for effect.

President Trump released this via fireside AM radio chat to 14 people who still have one of those:

“Mossad and Interpol are now scrambling to find a double before the word gets out so please — be a good patriot and make sure everyone knows. Assange didn’t deserve to die like that. He was one of those good people his president praised for his hard work in exposing nothing criminal about Hillary Clinton but still. He did good things. And the work with me was huge. Huge for everybody. The whole world has gathered to send thanks because they know. They know they should give thanks and that apologies aren’t necessary, even though there are many people out there that should apologize. I’m sorry for them. There, it’s settled.”

Your President has asked for your help, Patriots. Spread the word. If we make Assange the hero we get to own the libs. Isn’t that what politics is all about now?

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 178 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.