MSNBC Buys Out Judge Jeanine Pirro’s Contract

NOT THE SAME!

With the shocking and humiliating suspension of her show: “Justice with Judge Jeanine”, many heartbroken fans, including the President himself, are threatening to boycott Fox News.  It’s a threat that seems to have come too late.  Rival studio MSNBC sent legal counsel to Pirro’s agent, and have already negotiated a multi-million dollar contract buyout.  Everyone’s favorite half-dressed adjudicator is scheduled to begin her new show on the cable channel next Monday.

Wolf Blitzer is ready to tape over his VHS porn just for the first episode alone.

The new show, “Jeanine!” will air nightly after network star Rachel Maddow and will have more “variety” than previous viewers are used to.  The judge will interview celebrities, have a cooking segment, and a fashion “makeover” feature.  Pirro told Conservadolt Magazine about her decision :

“I decided to stay away from hard news, or at least commenting on it with fake Fox News talking points.  The people here are much nicer and smell better.  I don’t have to deal with Brian Kilmeade grabbing at my breasts every day.  As a woman, it’s unwanted and unprofessional.  As a gay woman, it’s annoying.”

Kilmeade serves to satisfy Fox’s federal quota of employees whose family trees have gone back on themselves at least twice.

Pirro’s departure has reportedly angered President Trump to the point where he reportedly emptied his bowels on the screen of the television set in the Oval Office.  Normally, that type of behavior only occurs on Thursdays.

About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.