Biden, Goldberg, Support Slavery ‘Reparations’ On ‘The View’


Regular fans of the popular morning talk show “The View” were pleasantly surprised this morning when guest and Presidential candidate Joe Biden animatedly agreed with host Whoopi Goldberg when the discussion turned to the controversial subject of providing ‘reparations’, or conciliatory payments to those citizens whose distant family members had been slaves or victims of slavery during that era of America’s history. Although due to current safety measures, the usual studio audience was absent from the studio, internet live-casts showed overjoyed liberal fans from across the nation whooping and cheering with support.

Biden seemed relaxed and confident with his current poll numbers surging against the beleaguered and impeached President Trump, who has been widely criticized as of late for his constant bungling of the deadly pandemic crisis affecting America. The former Vice President used the first segment of the program to agree and expand on former space bartender Goldberg’s label of “Typhoid Trump,” going as far as to label the failed businessman and husband as : “The worst person to have during a crisis since Mantis appeared in Avengers-Endgame.”

“Hey, I put like two guys to sleep! But then someone hit me with an apple and I was out for two hours. Next thing I know, boom, funeral.

Goldberg brought up the subject of reparations after reading an email question from Sandy Batt, a viewer from Baggersville, Georgia, who claimed her great grandmother was forced during slavery days to help build the very first ever Olive Garden restaurant, a claim that helped explain the restaurant’s awful menu, food quality, and operation. Biden told spectators that he felt Batt’s pain, and promised that as President, he’d certainly take it to Congress:

“I’ve always said I’d fully fund and distribute slavery reparations. That’s why black people like me. I mean, we know they hate Trump, along with most normal people. They deserve payments just for that. I’ll make sure they’re well taken care of for what this country put their ancestors through. Grape soda. Wait, did I just say that out loud?”

Biden then handed the show’s crew copies of Eddie Murphy’s “Raw” album to show that he’s a woke cracker.

Ratings for the program have remained steady during the pandemic crisis, mainly due to quarantined citizens being willing to watch anything at all right now on television. FX actually got a ratings boost by showing “Kickin’ It Old School,” for God’s sake. When anything starring Jamie Kennedy can get numbers, it’s truly an opportunity for change. And Joe Biden wants to be — that change.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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