Iran Sends Plea For ‘Mercy’ Through back Channels

Sources close to sources who may or may not work directly with sources close to the President say that Iran’s tough-guy act is just that — an act. In reality, the Iranians have been pleading through back channels for President Trump to soften his stance and back down:

“The Ayatollah himself has sent personal messages apologizing for the public outcry against America. He told our diplomats that because General Solemaini was on a diplomatic mission and therefore exempt from being a military target that they had no choice but to respond with harsh words.

“The Trump administration is having none of it. As far as Trump is concerned, Iran brought this on themselves by being in the Middle of the Middle and always getting in our way. He’s adamant about using that $2 trillion in weaponry so he can order more for this fiscal year.

“Basically, Iran made a big mistake by getting upset over the assassination of their top general. If you’re going to be Iran, you have to expect Republicans to treat you like terrorists, regardless of the current climate.”

The back channels aren’t going to work. Trump has called for the de-escalation of all violence that isn’t sanctioned by him. None of Iran’s intentions qualify. They openly said they would target Trump and his properties around the globe. They’ve threatened to assassinate him. They’ve made all kinds of other wild statements about America’s military-industrial complex and how it’s all just geared towards spending countless dollars on infinite wars.

At some point, they’re going to have to realize that this is America. We spend the bulk of our money on our military because we’re chosen by God to keep these religious zealots at bay. We will defend our great country against those who would harm us in retaliation for our crimes. That’s how it is and how it will always be, snowflakes. Deal with it.

About Flagg Eagleton 109 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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