Raiders Captain Kneels for Anthem in All Black Uniform


The NFL is slowly making it’s way back to the American public after wrestling with the consequences of the nationwide pandemic situation.  But, along with it’s hopeful resurgence comes a familiar blight – the sight of a player kneeling in protest supposedly to bring attention to police mistreatment of unarmed black suspects, and unironically timed with the spate of current unrest sweeping the country.

That’s not even including the thousands of angry horny teenaged nerds screaming about the delay of Marvel’s Black Widow movie. It’s got the Taskmaster in it!

Falling right into line is Oakland team captain LaQuan Honeyballs, a first-round draft pick originally from Minneapolis.  Honeyballs began a team practice event last week by taking a knee while wearing a full-black uniform described by friends as a “Black Lives Matter Armament”, having no name or number inscribed on it.  Black activist and professional football seam-stitcher Sandy Batt gave her take on the display to Fumblequeef Weekly online:

“It’s a perfect example of the right way to go about protesting this terrible injustice.  No one is hurt, no violence ensues, and just like when Colin Kaepernick popularized it, the only ones upset are old racist dickbags who somehow equate it with the military.  It has nothing to do.with the military.  If it did, the kneeling players would be wearing anti-war things, wouldn’t they?  I’m sure it’ll manage to upset the Trump voting population of dimwits anyway.  Collectively they’re dumber than tits on a robot.  But normal people who want to see football as a great American sport again won’t have a problem.”

An insurance agent for Geico, Shiela-55 often regrets the company’s placement of her ordering tablet.

Whether or not Honeyballs will suffer a penalty or be required to pay a fine is yet to be determined.  Will his example carry over into the full season?  I guess we’ll have to wait and see if Honeyballs truly don’t give a f*ck.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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