President Trump and his administration, no matter how far back into his term you look, have always been discriminated against by the very liberal-run businesses they strive to help. Now, even during this economic crisis that he’s doing his absolute best to get us through, it seems that pettiness is still the order of the day.
According to witnesses and several hastily-doctored YouTube videos, last week, the Huckabee family decided to have a nice dinner out to celebrate their youngest daughter, former press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, having finally caught, flayed, and eaten her 100th neighborhood raccoon. They chose dining mainstay Howard Johnson’s, a chain which has been defunct since 2017, and were treated worse than Wesley Snipes asking for help out to his car at a Hobby Lobby in Georgia.
The eatery’s manager, Joe Barron, took note of the family as they entered and rudely informed them that all guests needed masks in order to receive service. Our nation’s most Christian family balked, refusing such a ridiculous requirement, citing their constitutional rights to endanger their fellow countrymen and wolf down a shitty chicken Alfredo with broccoli. An argument began, and before anyone knew it, escalated drastically. Barron described the incident:
“That woman, the one with the glass eye who used to lie all the time on tv, you know, I’d insist she wear a mask even if the restaurant was in a vacuum chamber on the ISS. Her father started screaming, and his flappy jowls alone knocked over a dessert cart and a hostess stand. I should have called the police, but I know they’re connected with Trump, and he doesn’t care about the law at all, so i just had our service staff put on gloves and throw the mini-parade of lumbering mutant manatees into the back alley where we empty the shitpipes into the sewer. I don’t know why they were so upset. It’s just business.”
Fox News is planning on getting to the bottom of the incident later tonight on the Judge Jeanine show, and dementia-supporting network OAN intends to sell collectable adult diaper bags of the incident. Let’s hope these poor victims can get the white privilege they so deserve.