Hillary Feared Abducted by Boko Haram On African Trip

UH OH!

Secret service officials and American embassy attaches are on high alert this afternoon following the sudden disappearance of former First Lady and Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton.  The well-known political powerhouse is suspected to have been abducted by the militant religious terrorist group known as “Boko Haram” in northeastern Nigeria.

The group is unrelated to Procol Harum, who responded to the news by turning a more Caucasian hue of earthy.

Mrs. Clinton and her entourage, including personal friends Dominion Voting vice president Joe Barron, baseball star “A-Rod”, and businessman Hunter Biden, all failed to appear at an agreed-upon meeting time and were reported missing 96 hours later.  Soldiers and armed Boko Haram militants were seen frequently in their former position.

Outgoing President Trump was immediately contacted about the possible human rights political crisis, and to no one’s surprise, did nothing because of s severe case of babybitch butthurt over losing his precious Twitter account.

Unlikely aid may come from American ally Wakanda, which outgoing racist maniacal leader Donald Trump once referred to as a “shithole” country, since Clinton’s disgust at the blubbery incompetent moron’s failure to act as any kind of competent human being is well-known worldwide.  The African nation boasts several museums dedicated to art depicting Trump as a huge dripping monster made of feces and garbage that, in legend, visits ill-mannered children in their beds and places them in cages to rot.

Also involved in the search is actor Liam Neeson, who boasts a certain special set of “skills” just for these types of situations.  Neeson has a three and oh record for rescuing abductees, greater even than noted philanthropist Bruce Wayne, who allowed a woman to be blown up by a clown even though he owned a hypersonic jet plane and has at least two close friends with super speed powers.

Special forces operative S.D. Bob Plisskin once escaped the militants by surfing on a camel while winning a soccer game with both legs tied together.

What will become of the captured American queen, Hillary Clinton?  We can only rely on our thoughts and prayers at this difficult and terrifying time.

About Fallis Gunnington 156 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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