Hillary Clinton Feared Lost in Cadbury Egg Factory Explosion


Emergency response services are struggling to contain fires and locate survivors of an explosion that took place at the Cadbury Egg production facility in Bagger Hills, Virginia.  The event occurred near 1:30 this afternoon while a V.I.P. tour group was making their way through the nougat gellery room in section C of the Filling Silo.  Among the guests on the tour was former First Lady and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

Authorities have begun using milk hoses in preparation to bring something nice home for their wives to get a little tooky.

Bagger Hills Fire Captain Hammond Chese believes the cause of the explosion may have been a loose fart near the chocolate smeltery furnace, causing a blast that swept out of control.  Among three survivors currently being treated, one woman, who has been identified as factory employee Lauren Perrine told rescue authorities she saw Clinton : “fly backwards into a flaming sugar storeroom.”

“I believe she may have been caramelized to death.”

As of press time, no further clues have been discovered regarding Mrs. Clinton’s fate, but the story will be updated as the situation clarifies.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.