Hillary Clinton Admits She’s ‘Really Jealous’ of Donald Trump

Hillary Clinton was almost in tears as she told friends that she was “really jealous” of Donald trump’s success as President.

According to sources close enough to Clinton to know the truth but sheltered enough to keep from being “suicided,” the former First Lady, Senator, and Secretary of State may seem strong publicly, but in private — she’s a mess:

“All she does is cry and eat Andes Candies. She hates that Trump is having such a great run as president. She told a close friends that she’d consider it an honor to have almost 200K dead Americans on her watch and an economy on the brink of collapse, because at least she’d be in the Oval Office.”

She’s also jealous of Trump’s popularity. He enjoys anywhere from a 39 to a 42 percent approval rating, which is far better than the zero she has since she’s not in office anywhere.

Maybe someday she can get some of her former glory back, but for now, she’s in the shadow of the greatest president ever, according to hillbilly rubes and rich people everywhere.

Clinton’s publicist says she’s considering writing a new book called “I hate Donald Trump,” but she’s concerned that it will impede her chances of winning Wisconsin should she decide to run for Senate.

Meanwhile, Chelsea Clinton is prospering as the President of the Clinton Foundation, and Bill Clinton is enjoying his retirement.

Also, Epstein didn’t kill himself.

One thing is for sure: The Clintons are definitely still a great way to make potatriots blind with rage.


About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 148 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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