Mueller Opens All New Trump/Putin Investigation


Special investigator Robert Mueller has worked for several Presidential administrations.  He is a registered Republican and a veteran.  However, most people know his name from his thorough investigation of the links between *President Donald Trump’s 2016 campaign and Russian influence.  His findings found a series of links and questionable activity that he warily suggested bore the need for prosecution, but none came, due to the Republican party’s desperation to hold onto power, no matter what kind of dangerous and unstable criminal sat at it’s head.

Well now, Mueller is at it again, after widely-publicised reports of Vladmir Putin offering enemy soldiers a monetary bounty for the killing of American soldiers and Trump’s documented indifference to the news.  The impeached mentally-handicapped leader refuses to read his daily briefings or hear any news that might be critical of his administration, making it nearly impossible for even clear-headed aides to relay such information.

Ben Carson was punished with two weeks of no TV just for telling Trump he had toilet paper on his shoe.

Mueller’s chief investigative deputy Joe Barron told news media that evidence shows conclusively that Trump worships the Russian dictator and oligarch, and should be charged with treason and removed.

“The relationship Trump and Putin have is very close to a submissive sex slave wearing only a leather Speedo bowing in subservience to his Dominant ‘Master’, willing to do his bidding out in the open to further his humiliation.  Trump eased sanctions put in place against the communist power, and attempted to ease them further.  His meetings with Putin on at least three occasions were entirely kept secret, with no records and no accountability.  That’s where we’re going to begin again.  We’ll interview the translators in exchange for immunity and safety.  It’s time this scumbag traitor paid for his malfeasance.”

If there’s time, we’ll see if we can grill Mantis about why she didn’t just grab the Infinity Gauntlet while she was perched on top of Thanos’s head.

Mueller has assembled an all-star team of investigators and prosecutors from all across the political spectrum to avoid the last few year’s proliferation of bobble-headed Trump cultists rocking back and forth and complaining about “coups.”  When it comes to Trump supporters, the one good thing Trump’s botching of the pandemic has done is make them actually buy soap.


About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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