Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell announced today that former National Security Advisor John Bolton would testify in the Senate trial of are 45th President Donald John Trump.
“The Democrats simply will not shut up about wanting witnesses. This is an election year and I think postponing the entire charade until after the election would better serve the public, but no, Chuck Schumer and his band of looney goons think differently, so I’ll get them a witness because I’m tired of hearing them whine.” McConnell stated in a press briefing prior to today’s trial.
The ex NSA Director Bolton met with us at Starbucks outside of Simon and Schuster’s office building to discuss his upcoming testimony.
“This is ridiculous!” the famously mustachioed Bolton exclaimed. “This is an election year and Impeachment trials are totally forbidden. Schumer and Pelosi and those clowns know that! The founding fathers would have a fit. See that street sign?” Bolton asked pointing to a collage of signs that are abundant in New York. “That’s Madison Avenue named after Bill of Rights author James Madison. My rights are being trampled here. This is totally wrong. I have a book deal and I need to work on that. Is Schumer going to pay me for my time?”
The obviously angry author said that they would be flying him to the Late Jeffrey Epstein’s Lolita Island where a camera with Skype is set up and he would be questioned by McConnell only, no one else. “That’s the only fair way to handle this. We want a fair trial. They want witnesses, well here I am!” It was then that he bit into a scone, chipped a tooth and was rushed to a dentist.
We sure hope he is ok and hopefully the bill will be covered by Workman’s Comp, put into law by caring Republicans, since it was an on the job injury. I am a witness.