NASCAR Prohibits MAGA Hats, ‘Political’ Clothing


Just days after courting controversy by forbidding the display of confederate flags and related imagery at official racing events, NASCAR has decided to implement what is sure to be another explosive policy.  In order to stem any conflicts resulting from disagreements among “politically charged” attendees, the organization is effectively banning the wearing of certain articles of clothing bearing political symbols or slogans, including the popular red “Make America Great Again” cap favored by fans of *President Donald Trump.

“Me no more can wear hat? How me sneak oxy pills into car concert?”

The announcement broke early on Sunday, spreading across social media, mostly finding anger and consternation in Facebook groups and pages for conservative mental patients who support the morbidly obese failure like Russian prostitutes laughing while they’re being urinated on.  Many of the waddling old chimp-humpers have proposed arguing to security personnel that the caps are medical necessities, prescribed to keep the wearer’s brain from escaping through the ear canals.  Others intend to boycott the organization, potentially costing them tens of dollars of lost revenue.

In solidarity, Ted Cruz will be boycotting turning left in his car because he’s just generally a stupid prick.

Joe Barron, head of Barron’s Best Beer, NASCAR’s largest sponsor, spoke briefly to the Speedqueef Gazette about his concerns with the policy.

“So no more dickhead hats on the MAGA tards?  Okay.  I don’t give a shit.  No, seriously.  They’re pathetic no-life-having human paperweights.  They’ll be buying my beer either way to help them forget what mutants they are.  I just don’t give a shit.  I don’t.  I really don’t.  Tell them they can’t drink from the trough in the men’s room anymore too.  If you want. No shits given.  I literally care more about speckled ass tree monkeys than i do about trumptwats.  Is how much I care.”

How will this added restriction affect NASCAR’s comeback during the pandemic and how many fans will still come for the sport?  How will it affect the drivers?  We’ll just have to take that curve when it comes.


About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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