Under Pressure From Liberal Protests, Wal-Mart To Stop Selling Firearms


Whenever there’s a terrible tragic rampage or two, we can always count on the liberal left to bring up the guns as the problem.  We all know the problems are with the people behind the guns.  I mean, if they’re wired so badly as to want to kill, they’ll find a way.  It’s just that guns aren’t hard to get, and can let them do the killing anonymously, from a distance, and in bulk quantities.

Great. NOW where’s the ball and chain supposed to shop for mumus and a glock at the same time? Lindsey Graham’s house?

Well, it looks like it’s not going to be as easy to pick up a Family-Defender anymore since global juggernaut retailer Wal-Mart is caving under protests at a number of their locations, sometimes by their own employees, and has decided it will no longer sell firearms.  The corporation’s CEO of Greeters, Oswald Porkington explained :

“We feel that, as a retailer and employer, we no longer wish to be complacent in providing weapons in an atmosphere where the President of the United States encourages racial discrimination, violence, and anti-American hatred.  We have also severed all ties and contributions to the N.R.A., who have gallons of blood on their collective hands.  Thank you.  We hope you enjoyed shopping at Wal-Mart today. “

“Have a nice day, sir. Please tell my family I’m dead.”

With the big-box retailer out of the gun business, many blossoming conservative psychopaths are bemoaning paying higher prices for their penis-substitutes at local shops.  But it’s a small price to pay in reality for the comfort of possibly being the “good guy with a gun” when it counts.  Which nearly never happens.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

Be the first to comment