Greta Thunberg Has Been Lying To The World About Her Age

Greta Thunberg has been lying to everyone. Part of her little show is being a “teenage activist.” DWU has learned through public record searches and unverifiable sources that the young girl isn’t actually a young girl at all.

We first went to her hometown of Bjork, Sweden, and looked up the hospital listed on her birth certificate. Come to find out, that hospital closed nearly 25 years ago. If she was born there, she isn’t 16.

Next, we tracked down some of her classmates from the Bjorken Fjord Middle School, only to discover that nobody there remembers her at all. How does a kid that famous go through school without being noticed? That’s easy. She doesn’t.

With that information in hand, we traveled to Belgium to meet her science teacher, Maarten Schenk. He told us she was one of his best students and that she took a real interest in the climate change hoax he teaches in third-period pseudo-science. The problem there is, he stopped teaching in favor of a career in potatoes in 2007.

Then there’s the birth certificate itself, which was only signed by one doctor and conveniently leaves out the time of birth. Greta could have been born at 6 AM or 9 PM. The world may never know. We were able to track down the doctor, who retired in 2009. He doesn’t remember delivering a little girl or a mother with braids who named her kid Greta.

We then traveled back to Sweden and on to Austria, where we found that Greta had actually attended school and was considered a grifter. According to her teachers, her youthful appearance allowed her to fool people into thinking she was much younger than she was, so she developed a persona to match.

With all of this information in hand, we were able to do some math and determine that Greta Thunberg is actually 27-years-old, and therefore doesn’t qualify for anti-bullying protections under Be Best like Barron Trump does.

Hopefully, the liberals will listen to the evidence and stop protecting her and those Parkland kids and let Trump bash whoever he wants. It’s only fair after what they did to his son.

About Flagg Eagleton 109 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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