Jill Biden Gives Melania Until Dec 31st To Vacate


With the 2020 election weeks in the rearview and Joe Biden scoring an overwhelming victory despite numerous attempts by former President Trump to legally object, the new transition team has still been blocked from important information that, some say, endangers the United States as a whole every day that the loser puts off cooperating.

“It’s going to take at least a month for us to get the urine stains out of the ceilings.”

The New commander in chief is well known for his calm demeanor, informed decision making, and notably, patience, which is why he’s mostly ignored his nose-picking pants-pooping predecessor’s tantrum and begun assembling his team for work anyway.  Not so, the new First Lady Jill Biden, who has no time to waste on overgrown children shaped like deflated basketballs run over by a car in a driveway.

“As the incoming first lady, I am hereby giving Melanie Trump…Melignia…whatever her name is…I’m giving her until the end of the year to clear out of the space she’s occupying so that I can begin to set up my office and operation center.  I want it cleaned, fumigated, and in an even better condition than how she found it.  I’m planning to do serious work there, not sit around on a bony Soviet ass and watch Sesame Street like she did.  On January first, anything I find in there when I come in goes to a garbage crew to be destroyed.  No excuses.  Go back to softcore porn.”

Joe Barron, head of Mrs. Biden’s personal transition team told members of the press that his boss considered the legal challenges and recounts to be “desperate cries out from a pair of entitled little bitches who nobody likes, nobody cares about, and nobody wants to see anymore.”  He stressed that she compared the Trumps to Marvel’s failed “Inhumans” television show.

Or the new Walking Dead show. Apparently, the “World Beyond” is “Boring as Fuck.”

Although the day after the election ended Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi contacted seventeen seperate moving services and posted their contact information on the front door of the White House, none has of yet been formally hired.  Time’s a wasting, people.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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