Gas Leak Brings End To Trump’s EU Trade Talks

“It burned my lungs”

For many months, President Trump has been in personal negotiations with the European Union for a new trade deal that will better support American interests. Talks have been taking place regularly but it has not appeared as though there has been much progress, despite reassurances, smiles, and nods from all the delegates involved.

And there have been glaring delays to the process which suggest possible terrorist attacks on the negotiating team.  Last month, a member of the French delegation was arrested and detained by Secret Service after he was found in possession of a mysterious canister. The gentleman claimed that it was merely an air freshener as the can indicated but no chances were being taken. The Frenchman was hauled away for questioning and has not returned.

Trump seemed unaffected by an attack that left all others weak.

Yesterday – another startling attack. A gas leak reportedly caused all member to leave the table and escape to fresh air. When exiting, they were all seem to be coughing and sputtering, tears rolling from their eyes. They were visibly shaken. Only President Trump retained his composure, seeming quite undisturbed.

No details were released to the press regarding  the source of the leak but one of the German delegate’s aides did speak to us off the record.

“It was a gas leak alright but not in the traditional sense. Trump has the worst case of excessive flatulence ever! I mean, like, burning your nose hairs bad! And he doesn’t seem to notice or care!

It appears as though Angela Merkel may have been the first to be aware of the noxious fumes.

We’ve been just dealing with it for months now. What choice did we have? But it seems to get worse everytime we meet. Today was it. All we could take. I don’t know if anyone is willing to meet with him again.”

If there’s one thing Trump knows how to do, it’s bring people together. We are confident talks will continue.

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I refused to evolve and wrote fake news for cash, so I got fired.

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