Chick-Fil-A To Give Free Sandwiches To Trump Supporters Dec. 26th

BETTER GET UP EARLY!

By Ted H. McGinley with Fallis Gunnington

America’s greatest chicken chain for the conservative and Christian, Chik-Fil-A, has partnered with President Trump this week to thank all of their supporters for honoring the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ on the Christmas holiday by handing out free chicken sandwiches to anyone on Thursday to anyone who comes into a franchise wearing a MAGA hat, Trump shirt, or can demonstrate a social media page with a profile photo depicting fealty to the President.

CELEBRATE THE LAMB OF GOD WITH THE CHICKEN OF AMERICA!

The promotion will last only the length of the day, and is limited to one sandwich per guest.  The sandwiches will be 1/50 the normal sized fare, approximately the size of a Trumper’s miniscule brain, or a tic-tac.  Each will be made with Chik-Fil-A’s trademarked “Shitchicken”, a chicken-like byproduct made with sawdust, ground beaver meat, and centipede milk.

A good ounce only takes a few dozen centi-sows to produce.

Spokespeople for the chain admit that the move will lose approximately five thousand dollars for the stockholders, but are assured that the resulting advertising boost will follow into the end-of-year profit margin, allowing many, including 20% owner Lindsey Graham to continue their lavish lifestyles of covering the asses of male prostitutes with boysenberry syrup during breakfast picnics and and using 100-dollar bills as genital manipulation gloves.

Although everything about this free promotion is entirely fictional, it will be interesting to see how many old Trump dumpers screaming about “libs wanting free stuff” will waddle off urine-stained La-Z boys to go and get free stuff.

About Fallis Gunnington 125 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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