AOC Bill Will Fine People Who DON’T Vote

WHAT???

Leave it to the Little Latina Lulu of the Democratic Congress to take a socialist page straight out of the book of a country built by criminals.

Representitive Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has her newest bill on the House floor, and it’s a doozy.   Mirroring legislation that’s been active in Australia, a former prison colony for decades, HB 2651A will institute a nationwide system to monetary fine any American citizen who does not enter a vote in any election.

“Me? Oh, I voted for the third party candidate because I’m super edgy.”

Speaking at the Sandra Batt Performing Farts Center in Blumpkin Heights New York yesterday, the barely legal barkeep laid out the hows, whys, and wtfs of her newest liberal scheme.

“Okay, so like, in Australia, right?  They make sure everybody has a voice in government by fining the people who are too lazy or unpatriotic enough not to vote.  I mean, I know over here the Trumpy sasquatch people are always crying about their ‘rights being taken away’, okay?  So this is just doubling down.

It’s actually pretty sad that we need to force some people to stand up for themselves.  But oh well.  Omigod, you, in the green blouse – I LOVE those earrings!  Are they scented?”

Some opposed to the bill contend that not voting is a right too, as proposed by Godlike musical group Rush, who stated : “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”  However, those opposed are irrelevant because Democrats hold the Congress and Senate, so mostly we just pretend to hear them.

Like the entirety of the planet earth does with George Lopez.

The proposed fines will differ depending on the election.  For example, blowing off a local election will cost the lazypants Joe Average only $2000.  However, a mid-term forfeit could run double that, with Presidential races costing upwards of five digits.

The bill is expected to pass easily within the month.  Could this be the Republican’s only shot at overpowering their numerically superior foes?  Probably not, no.

About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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