Federal Judge Seals Mueller Report for 75 Years

Rudy Giuliani is a genius. At 6:15 this morning, Giuliani boarded a flight for Jackson, Mississippi for a meeting with federal judge Art Tubolls of the 101st district State and Federal Court of Constitutional Affairs. Justice Tubolls heard arguments from Giuliani and ruled that the Mueller Report is to be sealed for the same 75 years as the Warren Report in the JFK case:

“The precedent here is clear. Unless we want Kevin Costner perpetuating some myth about collusion in a dramatic yet monotone courtroom scene, we need to send this one to the Hall of Records now. Under Article 3 Section 2 of the Constitution, it is so ruled.”

The report will only be viewable to those with executive privilege, not because Trump asked for it, but because that’s the law. The original will be sealed for the duration in the basement vault of the Pentagon, with three copies sent off for safe storage at Fort Knox, Cheyenne Mountain, and the basement of the Alamo.

Democrats have already appealed the ruling, but standing directly in their way is the conservative Supreme Court, which isn’t gonna just give them the means to impeach their president. Justice Kavanaugh has already made his position clear:

“While I’m not sure what the report says, I am sure to uphold a ruling that avoids the unnecessarily cruel witch trial of a friend.” He appointed me. Do you really think I’ll side against him? Send Hillary Clinton’s case my way if you want some justice done. This is a no-brainer.”

Image result for PJ and SQUI
PJ and Squi both agreed, and common sense died a little.

 

Maybe now we can on to the business of extending the President’s term by 2 years to make up for lost time.

About Flagg Eagleton 41 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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