Ocasio-Cortez Suggests Taxing Dog Owners To Pay For Green New Deal


Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the diminutive socialist twerking-queen of Pelosi’s Congress makes no secret of spouting out her “great ideas” to her liberal audiences.  Though her “Green New Deal” was laughed off the floor of the Senate, she still continues to press to combat some sci-fi environmental “climate change” crisis that nearly three percent of oil company scientists agree isn’t happening.  Well now, her latest plan is hitting home badly with a large group of Americans.  Dog owners.

Citing the fact that nearly 70 million citizens own at least one dog, Ocasio-Cortez believes that statistic constitutes a taxable base, able to be helpful in contributing to her nearly 10 trillion dollar pie-in-the-sky plans.  She explained her reasoning to Fox News’s cub reporter, Delbert Hannity, illegitimate Vietnamese son of host Sean Hannity :

“So like, people walk their dogs.  Okay?  Outside.  Outside is nature, and we, as humans, are hurting that nature.  If the outside goes away, or becomes like toxic and stuff, where will we walk our dogs?  Inside the house?  In giant ‘dog-walking’ buildings that we’d have to build all over?  How much will THAT cost?  I’m betting a lot more than just taxing a few grammas with poodles a couple of bucks a year.  This is money that could be used to help fix or offset the problems we’re causing mother Earth.  Unless you’d rather try to walk little Chow-Chow through a super-hurricane or sharknado every week, because that’s where we’re headed.  Do you like my earrings?  They’re made from recycled Phil Collins CD’s.”

Ocasio-Cortez Is the only Congresswoman to walk the halls in footy pajamas.

Canine expert Calvin Broadus Jr. of the Fashizzlestein Society for Dogs calls the idea : “Preposterous”.  He criticized the plan as : “socialism at it’s most foul”, and pledged to pay off as many politicians as necessary to oppose the plan.  Representitives of the presitgious Daisy Hill Puppy Farm also pledged their intent to squash the legislation before it’s put into motion.

In the puppy mill’s prison wing, convicted carpet-pooper Mr. Fuzzypants awaits his legal representation, hoping not to be shivved.

Whatever happens regarding the latest nutty plan from the Princess of Pretty Little Pinheads, we’ll just have to stay confident that our furry little friends won’t be taxed into communist chicken chow-mein.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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