Leading into the height of the election season, President Trump can use all the support he can get. That support includes the moral outreach and crucial compassionate boost from his beloved wife Melania and his in-laws, who have always proven to be helpful and uplifting. Now, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is throwing a wrench into those works.
Pelosi contends that Boris and Natasha Skankovich, Melania’s turnip-farmer parents, have overstayed and abused their foreign visitation visas, and has moved to have them cancelled, which would lead to immediate deportation of the couple. The old and bewildered duo may be packed into crates and shipped away by as early as next week.
Joe Barron of the Slovenian Embassy’s Vodka Swilling Division contends that their country of origin is now “full”, and can’t afford any further immigrants to return.
“Slovenia is not some kind of ‘melting pot’ and it does not have a revolving door. We cannot afford to take in and support every Tom, Dick, and Yuri who thinks they can just leave one day and saunter back in on some migrant caravan the next like it’s no big deal. Should the threat of these invaders become a reality, they will be seized at our border, separated, and placed in holding cages for an unspecified period of time. Illegal re-immigration is a crime, and it will be treated as such. Besides. We already gave all their stuff to a nice family from Kazakistan. They just got a PlayStation 4. We’ve been kicking a lot of ass in Fortnite.”
Melania’s home, Slovenia, was unfortunately classified as an official “shithole” country by her husband’s administration and therefore is not required to show any preference to American emigres. The entire affair promises to be a thorn in Donald Trump’s morbidly obese paw, as his own family doesn’t seem to want much to do with him either. Bon voyage, borscht-buddies.