Meet Andy Barclay, The Boy Whose Life Trump Saved


Christmas of 2018 was full of cheer for most of us.  We probably don’t especially remember it, the candy canes, the lit up tree in the living room, the subtle tender odor of a roasting turkey in the oven.  One boy remembers it very well. His name is Andy Barclay, and if it wasn’t for Donald Trump, he would never have seen it.

Now 13 years old and living in Blumpkin Lake, Ohio, Andy has agreed to tell his story to Joe Barron, a biographer currently working on a documentary about the President.  The tale is one the famously humble one-time millionaire hasn’t told out of respect, but the boy and his family have insisted on making it public before election season.

Rudy Guliani showed up in his closet wearing a sheet.

An only child, Barclay was struck with a rare condition known as TDS, or “Teabagged Duodenum Syndrome”, a fatal condition that can only be treated with an expensive three-hour operation to re-straighten the lower organs.  Linda Barclay, a single mother and truck stop waitress, was at the end of her rope.  Then came a miracle.

Jesus appeared and healed his wounds. No, just kidding. He dies by the end of the article. Spoiler alert.

President Trump had read about the boy’s plight on a Facebook post while taking a break from his Russian pornography sites.  With no media in sight and no fanfare, the heroic overweight Gorilla in Chief visited the hospital in person before using his presidential salary to save the child’s life and fully cover the procedure.

It’s the type of story that the press doesn’t cover in relation to our leader.  One of life and love.

Barclay passed away just a week after relating the story when he was tragically punched in the throat by a bully at school and could not afford treatment after his medical insurance was cancelled due to Trump’s axing of the Affordable Care Act.  R.I.P., young man.  You done good.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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