Biden Wants Chelsea For Secretary Of State


Sometimes, when a good thing comes along, or a good person, completely qualified for a certain job, you do your best to keep that pattern of victory going, especially when that benefits the whole country.  Or at least that seems to be Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden’s line of thinking in proposing to his staff that he’d like to have Chelsea Clinton follow in her mother’s footsteps in his administration and serve as Secretary of State.

Condi Rice, meanwhile, is selling jewelry made from Sadaam Hussain’s body parts online.

As a grown woman, exceptionally talented and intelligent, the youngest Clinton does seem ready to fit the bill.  Now 40, Clinton is the 18th richest woman on the planet thanks to investments in Fortnite and oxycontin companies, and is widely rumored to have been born with the mutant power of bacteriokinesis, which gives her complete control over viruses and bacteria, which, you have to admit now, will come in handy.

As Biden’s popularity grows, leaks like these have begun to drip out from his campaign.  Sandy Batt, Biden’s Chief of Pancakes, elaborated on a few of them.

“Well, I know besides that choice, which is true, Joe is also looking at Barack for the Supreme Court.  I mean, if he’s okay with sitting in the same room as that date-rapist Kavanaugh.  I know he’s planning on nullifying every executive order of Trump’s and starting from scratch.  The White House will be totally de-trumpified.  Like a bedbug extermination.  He’s planning on marching all of them out wearing rubber dicks on their heads.  It’s gonna be great.”

Already halfway there.

As Biden continues his rise to the presidency, more tidbits and rumors are sure to trickle out.  We’ll keep you posted.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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