CDC Files Lawsuit Against Trump For Criminal Negligence

ALWAYS THE LAWYERS!

It seems like hordes of so-called scientists and medical professionals have lately taken up the cross of hindsight and are lighting torches to mob-storm the *President over his less-than-competent response to a worldwide pandemic that he didn’t start.

One of those mobs is our own.  The leaders and workers at the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta have filed a class-action lawsuit against *President Donald Trump alleging extreme criminal negligence and holding him partly responsible for the deaths of nearly 200,000 American citizens by way of sheer incompetence and later, indifference.

In defense, Trump claims he spent a lot of time waiting to meet with Vladmir Putin for a promised night out at Applebee’s. He never showed.

The organization’s chief legal analyst, Sandra Batt Esquire, of the firm Wolfram and Hart described the reasoning behind the suit to Fox News’s Tucker Carlson, who didn’t understand a word and a shat himself on the air:

“When you purport to be the leader of the country, you have certain implied responsibility to keep your citizens alive and well.  In the case of the pandemic, Trump first disassembled President Obama’s response mechanism, in place for exactly this sort of crisis.  Why?  For no other reason than he’s a dumb bitch, full stop.  Next, he attempted to cut off Chinese travel to America, yet still let in over 40,000 emigres.  During the Ebola event, again Obama, sent response teams TO the source to stop it there, which resulted in 2 cases in the United States.  Two.  Trump failed to learn from a provided successful blueprint, failed to follow up on professional data, and failed to act in nearly every way to halt the spread of the virus.  He followed up by seemingly ignoring it’s spread, offering ridiculous and harmful advice, and balking at common-sense safety measures like masks.  If that isn’t severe incompetent negligence, I don’t know what is.  It was like watching Val Kilmer do a weight-watchers commercial.”

“Robin! Turn me over! The grappling gun just went off up my ass again!”

The suit seeks damages upwards of two-hundred billion dollars for the families of deceased infected along with the much-needed ousting of the colossal failure-in-chief and a subsequent sentence in a mental health facility.  The lesson here Is, when you need help with science, listen to scientists.  When you need help with murderous dumbassery – listen to Donald Trump.

*impeached

About Fallis Gunnington 125 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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