First Sanctuary City To Go Broke Without Federal Funding Threatens Trump: ‘Don’t Come Here’

A sanctuary city on the liberal end of Virginia has officially gone bankrupt. They’re not blaming the illegal “refugees” they took in or the homeless people they keep throwing food and clothing at. Nope. They’re blaming Donald Trump.

Art Tubolls, City Commissioner of the Incorporated Township of Mystic Falls, says his city is going to heck in a handbasket:

“The people we allow to stay here without repercussions Trom trump’s Brown Shirt ICE brigades aren’t ‘illegal.’ They’re people. Some have been with us for generations. Some even longer.

Sure, it costs a lot to keep them fed and stuff, but they aren’t the vampires people make them out to be. They’re productive members of society and a couple of them even have jobs.”

A couple? That must be comforting since now the entire town is on the verge of collapse. According to town records, the original founders of the place have actually moved on and found happiness in New Orleans. Those left behind have to deal with the “vampires, werewolves, witches, and wizards,” as one resident put it:

“We really don’t know what to do. They seem to be everywhere. And it isn’t like you might expect. They aren’t all these ugly, destitute rejects the news portrays. Some of them actually grow on you. There’s this one woman we call Caroline who we all thought was annoying, but now she’s like our favorite since the first star of this sh*tshow left.

It’s tough to stay positive with the lack of humanity we’ve seen, but we love our neighbors, so we will keep trying.”

The town has adopted a resolution that the President of the United States is no longer welcome there, since it was his decision to pull funding from cities that allow this kind of carnage to happen out in the open.

A similar situation recently unfolded in Storybrooke, Maine, where a group of illegal refugees ended up turning some prime real estate into an entire village of illegal idiots. When will these liberals learn? Nothing good will come of any of this. Maybe it’s time to change the channel and get a grip.

About Flagg Eagleton 97 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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