California Outlaws All Toy Guns

The California legislature has announced strict new guidelines for toy manufacturers that sell their products in the state: no more toy guns.

Many 2nd Amendment enthusiasts are upset at the notion because owning toy guns as children is what helps make great Americans. According to a study by our research department, children who grow up without toy guns in the home have a 47 percent greater chance of turning out to be gay, stoners, or both.

One researcher spoke fondly of his own experiences and lamented that children will no longer be able to grow and learn the way he did:

“I remember my brother chasing me around the house with a Super Soaker. When he finally caught up to me, he tossed a pool towel over my face and waterboarded me until I gave up the location of my secret stash of Mike and Ike’s.

There’s power in those lessons. I learned that if you’re stronger and have a bigger gun, you’re gonna have a better life. I used that experience to my advantage. Now I’m a poilice officer and I get to beat people up whenever I want. I even nget to shoot them if I think I can get away with it.

“What right do we have to take those kinds of dreams from our children?”

The ban goes into full effect the week before Christmas, so if you’ve purchased and Nerf guns, water pistols, cap guns, or any other form of toy firearm, make sure you return it now.

Those who refuse to comply will have their toys taken away and face fines of up to $10K and a year in prison.

That’s right, folks. These lefty liberals aren’t messing around. If you want to be truly free, California isn’t for you. They should just form their own country and get on with it.

 

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 148 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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