Pelosi Orders Official Cancellation of Mother’s Day

THIS CAN'T BE ALLOWED!

Americans have had to make a great number of sacrifices during the current pandemic crisis.  We’ve eschewed our travel to our places of worship in order to be safe, although some believe that to be a liberal plot to weaken Christianity.  We’ve closed our malls, restaurants, and personal service providers, leaving ourselves stranded with television and the explicit language and violence of Hollywood’s worst on streaming video, probably because that’s how the left wants us, placid and docile and defeated.

Like Bobby and Jenny Queefington after their first grade teacher told them the cafeteria was serving puppy burgers.

Now, Speaker of the House and Democrat leader Nancy Pelosi is calling for the cancellation of Mother’s Day this year, citing the danger of gathering groups going out to buy lunch or dinner for their dear matriarchal loved ones, and increased peril for flower and confection deliverers.  Utilizing article 3, section 17-a of the Speaker’s authorization clause, the lawmaker has officially declared the holiday cancelled until such time as she, and she only, feels the ban can be lifted.

Sandy Batt of conservative citizen’s group Mother’s United Calmly Opposing Useless Snowflakes finds the declaration odious:

“This is a disgusting and slimy manipulation of our freedoms, especially to all of us in M.U.C.O.U.S.  Mothers are the backbone of this nation because they create everyone.   That is a fact.  This is just yet another liberal plot to take away the family.  If you take away the family, all that’s left is the devil.   And that’s how America loses God and becomes what we all saw in ‘Night of the Comet.’  A country populated by douchebags in department stores preying on innocent cheerleaders.  We cannot allow that to happen.”

Another thing that can’t be allowed : the rollout of dating site “Alabama Slammers Dot Com.”

Pelosi has also hinted that she has Independence Day on her possible cancellation agenda, pushing Uncle Sam’s birthday onto the back burner.  We can only pray that President Trump will get off his fat ass and find his balls for once in his pathetic life instead of making up idiotspeak about mainlining lysol.

About Fallis Gunnington 149 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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