Boy, 7, Arrested For Blocking Entrance to Abortion Clinic


A story about a seven-year old Virgina boy is making waves across the nation.  The boy, identified as Queeferland Mills Middle School student Ron Parmburt was taken into police custody after an incident occurred at the Fifth Street Abortive Medical Clinic Saturday morning, where witnesses told authorities that the young man had been protesting with “religiously motivated” signs and paraphenalia, and moved to physically block the entrance to the building while threatening pedestrians with violence.

The boy’s companion, Gomer “Pudgeball” Plimpton escaped custody by jumping over a police vehicle on a skateboard and booking.

Police Captain Sanders Batt told local media that arresting a minor was nearly never practiced within the county or precinct, but that Parmburt’s treatment was the result of a “an extreme case” that he felt could be used to highlight the damage done to a child whose parents encourage religious extremism instead of teaching them valuable real-world instruction, especially regarding the difference between a legal medical procedure and “murder.”

Arresting officer Baron Joeseph briefly described the scene of the morning’s event:

“Officer Blair and I responded to a call from the clinic at approximately 1300 hours describing a male caucasian boy harassing citizens, shouting insanity, and blocking the entrance to a public institution.  Upon our arrival, we attempted to calm the youth down from a shouting fit and were punched, kicked, and threatened with ‘fiery hellflames’.  Officer Blair and I then proceeded to use force to render the subject unconscious for transport.  He was treated later for a light concussion, a broken rib, and a severed finger.  Hey, if you think that’s too much, remember what they said after Baltimore – he deserves it because he shouldn’t have broken the law.”

Unfortunately, he is being treated by a doctor that he blasted in Fortnite a week ago by cheating.

The youngster’s parents, Daniel and Melanie Parmburt gave only brief statements to the press, blabbering on about fire and brimstone and witches and abortion and the devil.  Both have prior arrests on a variety of charges ranging from vandalism and disturbing the peace to public intoxication and creating a domestic disturbance.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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