Pelosi’s ‘Green Highways Plan’ Eliminates Trucking Industry By 2022


Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi evidently can’t take a hint with the failure of her protege Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal, and is doubling down on her tree-hugging initiatives. Her “Green Highways Plan Of Action” proposes laws and regulations that would all but eliminate the commercial trucking industry by 2022.

Well, at least we don’t have to worry about this happening again. Emilio Estevez can’t be everywhere at once.

The plan involves a gradual reliance on air and shipping freight with more local deliveries handled by smart electric vehicles, privately-contracted “Uber Vans”, and an investment by the government of over 2 trillion dollars to develop teleportation technology.  CEO of Teleportation tech start-up ‘Beam That Shiznit’, Seth Brundle, elaborated on the details to the Washington Daily Queefer:

“What we’re working on is revolutionary.  This isn’t Star Trek.  We’re not destroying anything in one place and then recreating it in another.  That’s silly.  What we’re doing is rendering a mass, cargo, people, whatever, completely at rest relative to the movement of the universe.  In other words, the object doesn’t move at all, really.  The universe shifts around it.  Completely naturally and organically.  It’s perfect.  What could go wrong?”

Brundle, seen here, after a little something went wrong.

Pelosi seems unconcerned about eliminating the multi-billion dollar American trucking industry and all the jobs it provides :

“Most of these trucker people voted for Trump, so it’s not like they’re Mensa members to begin with.  Besides, if their fat bag of a hero gets his giant cartoon wall, we’re gonna need a lot of lettuce pickers, right?  Well, breaker breaker, good buddy : go fix me a salad.”

She’d like a nice dressing of Bourbon and Trump’s tears, please and thank you.

Congress will hear, deliberate, and vote on the bill this Sunday.  If you want to help, call your local Congressperson and urge them to vote “no” on bill thx-1138.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.