Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi evidently can’t take a hint with the failure of her protege Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal, and is doubling down on her tree-hugging initiatives. Her “Green Highways Plan Of Action” proposes laws and regulations that would all but eliminate the commercial trucking industry by 2022.
The plan involves a gradual reliance on air and shipping freight with more local deliveries handled by smart electric vehicles, privately-contracted “Uber Vans”, and an investment by the government of over 2 trillion dollars to develop teleportation technology. CEO of Teleportation tech start-up ‘Beam That Shiznit’, Seth Brundle, elaborated on the details to the Washington Daily Queefer:
“What we’re working on is revolutionary. This isn’t Star Trek. We’re not destroying anything in one place and then recreating it in another. That’s silly. What we’re doing is rendering a mass, cargo, people, whatever, completely at rest relative to the movement of the universe. In other words, the object doesn’t move at all, really. The universe shifts around it. Completely naturally and organically. It’s perfect. What could go wrong?”
Pelosi seems unconcerned about eliminating the multi-billion dollar American trucking industry and all the jobs it provides :
“Most of these trucker people voted for Trump, so it’s not like they’re Mensa members to begin with. Besides, if their fat bag of a hero gets his giant cartoon wall, we’re gonna need a lot of lettuce pickers, right? Well, breaker breaker, good buddy : go fix me a salad.”
Congress will hear, deliberate, and vote on the bill this Sunday. If you want to help, call your local Congressperson and urge them to vote “no” on bill thx-1138.