Brave Officer Thwarts Terror From Above

Canadians aren’t so innocent

One savvy police officer in Seattle, Washington has uncovered massive illegal immigrant cell operating in America. And they’re from our “friendly neighbours to the north”… Canada. This is the story of an officer’s  journey to the truth

Officer Satya Martin was at her nephew’s birthday party last weekend.  So far as she knew, every attendee was a loyal American.

The guests were milling about enjoying themselves, having cake, talking about American stuff like guns and Trump and money. Everything seemed normal. Until Martin’s keen eye noticed some of the birthday wishes written on a massive card.

The card that revealed all.

She saw that somebody named Roy Versailles had left a message of “It has been my honour to be at your party.”  Honour. With a “u”. Suspicious.

Satya looked around. Had anybody else noticed this?  Could it have been a simple error? She decided to investigate.

File photo of Officer Martin walking her beat.

She began to circulate amongst the guests looking for suspicious behaviour. Soon she came across one gentleman who had just been bumped into by another. This man – the bumpee – then apologized to the bumper.  “Sorry about that”. Satya’s professional instinct kicked in. This man, this bumpee was “off” somehow.

Officer Martin introduced herself to Mr. Versailles and began to flirt with him like a wanton hussy in hopes of extracting information. At one point, she spilled her drink on Versailles’ shirt. Versailles apologized to her. That was all she needed. She became convinced that this man was not American at all.

She sat him down and wrote down a series of questions on paper. She asked him to respond on paper and in complete sentences. The first reply was all she needed to confirm her suspicions.

Q: “What is your favorite color?”

A: “My favourite colour is blue”

The u’s. The u’s always give away those diabolical Canadians.

After taking him downtown and grilling him for several hours, Versailles finally confessed that he was Canadian and had merely pretended to be American for years because he despised universal health care and taking care of his fellow man. Suspicions confirmed.

 

Roy Versailles pictured. Officer Martin said it “disgusted her to flirt with Quasimodo”

Officer Martin received a medal from the mayor for her bravery. Her strong detective skills led to the unearthing of thousands more Canadian terrorists who had infiltrated our great nation under the guise of obvious BS like “tourism”.

Nice try Canada. We know full well that nobody wants to visit America anymore.

About Fired Writer 188 Articles
I refused to evolve and wrote fake news for cash, so I got fired.

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