For years, conservative Americans have championed the fight for the lives of the unborn. The battle has become even more fierce over the very idea of using our hard-earned tax dollars to pay for the dastardly procedure, and now it looks like the administration of President Joe Biden has fired a massive salvo against God himself.
In a fictional statement to a non-existent group of supporters gathered near the chocolate river at William Wonka’s heralded chocolate factory, Biden unveiled his new tax plan for 2021, which includes, among other things, a tax write-off of up to $22 to help anyone who needed to pay for an abortive procedure during that tax year. One plump onlooker was so shocked, he stumbled into the river itself and has tragically become a Charleston Chew.
Joe Barron of the group Focus on the Family Jewels says the entire idea of such a tax break is not only preposterous, but impossible.
“First, there’s the Hyde Amendment, which makes it legally impossible for tax dollars to provide for abortion. That was from 1976, and it’s just fine.
Nobody had a problem with it until the teabagging crowd showed up and wet their pants over a black President. So Obama himself wrote and signed a nearly identical bill, just to satisfy their stupidity and pretend Godliness.
It’s incredible that most of the imbeciles who will believe this think Trump gave half s shit at all about abortion, since he isn’t a Christian, and is probably responsible for more of them through the 80s and 90s than a nuke hitting the Palin house.”
The fictional legislation was written in tandem by Representitive Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her pet gerbil Boffin J. Mudfuddles on a Spirograph that once belonged to Calvin Coolige. It is expected to pass through the House easily after all members are fed pot brownies made by Blade star Wesley Snipes, who is stunningly black.