Newsom Adds Bolton Book to School Reading List


Governor Gavin Newsom is the perfect example of a Californian.  Good looks, bright demeanor, and a propensity to make everything into a mess of unasked for liberalism.  That’s precisely what some parent and teacher organizations are up in arms about today after Newsom put John Bolton’s new anti-Trump and therefore, anti-American book “The Room Where it Happened” on mandatory reading lists for all students in grades 7 through 12 starting this coming semester.

The publication, which the impeached morbidly obese President describes as “fiction” and, somehow, “treason” makes a host of accusations based on Bolton’s first-hand account of his time in the Trump administration.  Claims include descriptions of Trump being caught masturbating in a prison torture room during a trip to North Korea, his constant use of threats like: “I will MISSLE you!” and “How would you like to spend the weekend giving Guliani a lickdown?” on various members of White House staff, and his bribing of physicians to keep secret a nearly impossible single-digit IQ and raging herpes infection.

The American leader also suffers from gestating an evolved syphilis infection in his belly. It’s been dating the first lady behind Donald’s back.

Joe Barron, spokesman for the liberal think-tank Let’s Not Elect Dipshits described why he and LNED are in favor of the curriculum.

“I think it’s a great opportunity to get young people alerted right away to the mistake that the Boomer generation became by being conned into supporting this moron Trump.  They’ll know and understand the danger we’re in now, and avoid throwing their vote away for an incompetent dumbledick.  They’ll also be encouraged to grow up to write and describe Trump’s time as being the biggest embarrassment the United States had ever suffered, and continue to make his name into a synonym for pathetic idiocy.   Overall, it’s helpful to the future of America.”

Also, some of you kids take classes and start building me a Firefly. I’m not getting any younger, here.

The book will be included in Social Studies class curriculums and educators say students will be encouraged to insult and make disgusting jokes about the cartoonish President to improve their grade.  It sounds like Bolton has a best-seller based on just California alone.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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