Ocasio-Cortez’s ‘Blue New Deal’ Proposal Aims to Disarm Police


The Democratic Congress’s own Pippi Longstockings, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has had yet another brainstorm to bring America closer to her liberal socialist utopia.  After the lawmaker’s defeat with her “Green New Deal” plan, the Empire State Elf has come up with an even nuttier idea to have shot down : disarm the police.

Experts have suggested arming police with the new experimental “Quim Pistol”, a taser weapon that sounds like a giggling schoolgirl when fired.

According to the Petite Popinjay of Pacifism, the cherry-picked circumstances of police officers mostly justifiably gunning down unarmed suspects is a “growing epidemic” that needs to be addressed.  The freshman Congresswoman outlined her plan, entitled : “The Blue New Deal” from the granola aisle at a nearby Trader Joe’s:

“The problem is that the police, nationwide, have become ridiculously over-armed after receiving excess weaponry from the military draw-down in Iraq and Afghanistan.  That, coupled with the fetishism of American gun culture and improper training for racial sensitivity has put civilians in danger and stoked paranoia of a police state.  The solution is to draw down the excess armament and simply return police forces to previous peacekeeping levels.”

“Also, I’m totally getting my nails rainbowed! Don’t be jelly, bitches!”

The Elfin Empress of Eggheaddery is certainly going all out in this one, and is expected to receive fierce resistance from law enforcement.  We’ll have to wait and see if the loony left’s latest attempt to grab guns sends them into the dumpster heap permanently in 2020.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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