AOC Bill Brings Back Affirmative Action Hiring


During the Clinton era of the 1990’s, the experiment of “affirmative action” fed the American workforce with diversity, legally requiring businesses of all sizes to hire minorities in greater numbers in order to address income inequality and systematic racism.

The process was abandoned a decade later when Republicans gained control, with even politically liberal California’s proposition 209 striking down what some felt was a flawed and failed mandate.

As many armchair pundits know, the Golden State’s entire economy depends on Fortnite.

Now the idea is back, in a way, thanks to house bill BU2B authored by New York representitve Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.  The seniorita of socialism had an epiphany of sorts while taking her two Latino nephews Kwanzaa shopping at a local mall last week.

“I saw the Santa in his chair there, you know, with the kids and taking pictures and what not.  And I was all like, ‘why is he always white?’  I think it’s a terrible thing that these places only hire white people to be Santa.  We don’t know what color he really is, do we?

Has anyone went to the North Pole with census forms?  Even all of the elves were like, reformed Caucasian meth addicts, probably doing cushy court-ordered community service.  If this starts with Christmas and racist Santa Claus policies, where does it go next?  White-only James Bonds?

Only Mexican Zorros?  A Passover season just for Jews?  It’s time we took action.”

Sandy Batt, owner of seventeen malls and one Build-a-Bear outlet store in Alabama says that the holiday icon has always been a mayonnaise enthusiast, and not a Popeyes chicken customer.

“Santa Claus is white.  Period, end of story.  Isn’t it enough that these liberal maniacs made Denzel Washington the Equalizer and had that Snoop Dog character flying his Soul Plane everywhere?

He lives in snow.  Snow is white.  If snow is any darker than white, y’all can’t use it for bathing your babies in your sink.  That a what my doctor told me once.  And he’s some kind of Indian feller.”

“The good kind of Indian like that Dinesh movie fella, not the woo woo kind that color up the corn.”

Is Batt right?  Or is America, after throwing Donald Trump in the trash, ready for a Santa of color?  It’s a ho ho honest question.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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