New Biden Billboards Cause Stir in Florida


As the Biden 2020 campaign begins its initial ramp-up towards election day, it’s clear the Vice President and his staff are through pulling punches.  Nowhere is this more evident than the larger population centers in the state of Florida, where a series of scathing billboards have begun to appear with the same overall theme: that President Trump has proved dangerous, incompetent, and detrimental to humanity as a whole.

Although when the blimp campaign rolls out, it’s gonna get really hardcore.

Concerned patriots of a group called “Citizens United Needing Trump” have been protesting the roadside advertisements for days, waving misspelled signs from drainage ditches, wearing misspelled shirts of their own design, and phone–bombing companies that, unfortunately, are not sponsors, eighteen of whom have filed harassment charges.  Spokesperson Sandford Batt of C.U.N.T. explained to a random passerby the group’s grievances and goals:

“It’s false advertising, is what it is.  President Trump is doing the best he can after his initial blunder.  You know, it’s really hard when he’s not familiar with what’s happening around him.  You try to learn about biology in a day when you’ve spent your life bankrupting businesses from inside a tacky hotel room with a vibrating bed.   He’s just making sure the stock market doesn’t fail so bad.  Oh yeah and the poor people stay alive, or something.”

“I love poor people. They always scream so loudly when I strap the saddle on.”

So far, the billboards are remaining where they are, and the distributor confirms that more will be rolled out across the nation within the next few weeks.  It looks like Biden is ready to get as ugly as Kellyanne Conway’s complexion in a sweat lodge.

About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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