Biden Quietly Pardons 2,617 BLM Protesters

Joe Biden has shown us all whose side he’ll be on when it comes to law and order.

In a sweeping secret pardon that includes more than 2,616 BLM “protesters,” Biden gave a big eff you to law enforcement.

Biden’s pardon includes “anyone arrested for protesting in a non-violent manner.” Basically, all they have to do is say “I dint do nuffin” and they’re free to go.

According to the White House, there is no pardon, and the issue of BLM protesters has yet to be addressed at all. According to Communications Director, Art Tubolls, the whole thing has been blown out of proportion:

“More like…made up. There is no pardon for anyone because Trump’s federal goons never actually arrested anyone. They just dropped them off in the morning in front of the closest Circle K with $2 for a large coffee and a blintz.”

Fact-checkers were quick to point out that Circle K doesn’t sell blintzes.

At any rate, the pardons may not be real to some people, but to those of us who believe Joe Biden is the next coming of the antichrist here to unseat Donald Trump and thrust America into the pits of hell, they’re as real as can be, and we won’t stand for it.

A source close to the President said the pardons may not exist, but that Biden was “very proud” to be able to sign them. Whether or not he signed them virtually or just in spirit remains to be seen. One thing is for sure: our streets are a little less safe today with Biden issuing — or not — pardons for nearly 3000 criminals.

It’s gonna be a long four years, America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 148 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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