Obama Cancels Memorial Day Speech at Benghazi Monument


Today is Memorial Day, a day of solemn respect and tribute for the men and women of America’s armed forces who sacrificed everything for the security of our country.  It’s a day of many speeches and flag-raisings, mostly from those who held commanding positions, who suffered themselves through the fog of war, or from the sons and daughters of those who did.  Barack Obama is none of these.

Scheduled to give a speech today at the Benghazi Memorial Monument in Puto Gordo, Texas, the former President cancelled his appearance with short notice, citing “scheduling conflicts”, most likely due in part to his being investigated by Attorney General Bob Barr.  Or, more likely, because this entire set of circumstances doesn’t exist.  But, whatever the reason, no one can argue that it’s a classless thing to do.

Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, which also doesn’t exist, will be hosting a dance party hosted by Hillary Clinton and Crocodile Dundee.

As we all know, four Americans lost their lives in Benghazi during a terrorist attack that Obama referred to as such hours later, although a variety of brain-damaged teabaggers constantly spittle-spray to the contrary.  A conspiracy then formed, attempting to paint then Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as incompetent, even though her position didn’t have the authority to mobilize a military response, and that Fox News admitted it completely invented the “stand down order” that never existed.  After nine or so investigations found exactly the same thing  – that no fault was found with either Clinton or Obama’s response to the situation, the majority of paste-eating Republican mudslurpers are still stupid enough to believe in the fairy tale of evil mastermindery, despite how irrational it may be.  They also, directly after the attack, didn’t seem to give a squat of concern about actually catching the terrorists responsible.  See, these are the people who make it necessary for medical schools to continue to teach doctors how to perform lobotomies.

Pictured : A head of cabbage, which is estimated to be 255 times smarter than the average teabagger.

At any rate, after cancelling his speech at this fictional event, President Obama will be replaced by fill-in orator Morgan Freeman, who will speak in his smoothly calming voice about Andy Dufresne’s daring escape from Shawshank prison.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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