Liberal ‘Big Belly Burger’ Chain Refuses ‘Fascist’ Trump Stimulus

OFFENSIVE!

You’ve probably seen them on a nearby street corner or outside of your local mall.  You’ve likely seen their advertisements all over television and memorized their catch-phrase: “Big Belly Burgers are Belly Belly Good!”  Theyre the third largest fast-food hamburger chain in America, and growing fast.  Owned by Clinton and Obama backer and billionaire Joeseph Barron, they’ve become the largest and most outspoken of a group of businesses to flat-out refuse monetary aid from the Trump administration.

Gavin Newsom don’t need your money either. He’ll bang your wife and daughter and still make Playgirl’s Top Ten Yummyhunks centerfold.

According to company spokespeople, the managing board of directors of Big Belly made it clear that they wanted nothing to do with: “The typhoid Mary of Presidents who has no business being in the position to begin with.”  Many on the board have had a colorful history of insulting, making criticism of, and publicly harassing the supporters of the President.  Spokesperson Harvey Biggun:

“I remember on election day, when that fat dumb load managed to screw over the electoral college, Barron bought a few hundred of those red moron hats and lit them on fire, and had hundreds of illegal aliens come forward to put them out with piss.  On 9/11 a couple years ago, he flew remote control airplanes into the sides of Trump Tower in New York and detonated their cargo holds filled with used cat litter.  He found a whole street full of Trumpers in Akron, and filled their lawn sprinklers with liquefied rotten eggs.  That was pretty messy.  So yeah, no surprise.”

“Have you figured out who put snapping turtles in the toilets and super glue on the seats yet?”

The chain, a favorite of well known debutantes and media figures alike has been running only take out business during the pandemic shut down, but still bragging clientele like journalists Clark and Lois Kent, millionaire industrialists Ted Kord and Oliver Queen, and somehow, pop star Alison Blaire who is actually from an entirely separate universe.   It seems like they can afford to let politics come before money.

About Fallis Gunnington 156 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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