N.Y. Daily Herald Files Suit to See Barron’s Birth Certificate

UNBELIEVABLE!

Marching behind the banner of being “the Fourth Estate”, national news publication The New York Daily Herald has filed suit in a federal court to have the Trump administration release an original copy of his (theoretical) son Barron’s birth certificate.

A birth certificate, like Barack Obama’s seen here, often functions as a conspiratorial cat toy for teabaggers and those with bags of sand in their heads where a brain normally sits.

Editor in Chief of the Herald, Joseph Barron told a gathered room of journalists that the suit was not partisan in nature, and had to do with an ongoing investigation :

“We have a very good investigative journalist working on a story involving a theory that Barron may be Ivanka’s biological son and not the first lady’s.  Thus far, there is quite a lot of evidence to support this supoosition, and the one bit that would tie it all together and confirm the veracity of our sources would be a valid birth certificate.  Like the many other investigations involving Trump, if he has nothing to hide, then why not simply show us?  Let’s see that birth certificate! “

Also a possible genetic contributor, singer Meatloaf, who knows Trump, and would do anything for love…and may have done that.

In a related story, another mistake of the family’s genetic material, Donald Trump Jr. ghost-wrote a new book to impress his father which nobody will read.  His attempts to hawk it for a week on the morning talk shows seem to have blown up in his enormously punchable face, as booksellers across the country begin sneaking cases of the tome back INTO delivery trucks.  At least little Barron knows his place.  Our thanks to the New York Daily Herald who cooperated fully despite no longer existing.

About Fallis Gunnington 142 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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