Three Trump Plaza Hotels File For Bankruptcy

OH NO.

The global pandemic is a terrible destructive force for the economy as well as the population of the United States.  Now, according to sources in the business and finance industry, it’s more than just mom and pop shops that are suffering.  Even *President Trump is taking a hit, as three of his magnificent Trump Plaza hotels filed for bankruptcy last week.

Sandy Batt, Trump’s Manager of Hotelial Relations confirmed the report Sunday, telling reporters that the expensive luxury businesses had : “been stagnant for quite awhile due to the bad reputation gained from being owned by a half-witted shitballoon – nobody wants to stay in one.”  She stressed that the hotels had even tried dropping room rates to 35 cents a night, and there was still no interest.

“You know, I’m gonna go ahead and just stay underneath the stairs, thanks.”

Over the past year, the structures themselves have also suffered hideous amounts of damage due to Trump’s trademark mismanagement.  Health department officials describe kitchens overrun with wild raccoons, bed linens covered with caked liquid farts, and employees who speak only Russian.  In a damning statement, heiress Paris Hilton admitted: “If I was inheriting these crap shacks, I’d hide myself in Justin Beiber’s cocaine closet.”

“Yo dawg, I’m all about the J to the eezus now. Dat closet is a temple, baby.”

With the news being so recent, nobody in the administration has determined what will become of the structures or how much money Trump will end up stiffing yet more employees and creditors out of, as he has throughout his entire business career.  Although several companies have privately expressed interest in acquiring the properties, one notable example being the McDonald’s Corporation, who plans to level the hotels and replace them with hamburger vending machine stalls.

About Fallis Gunnington 142 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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