It’s that time of year. The holiday season, and of course, the biggest shopping time of the year. Always a familiar sight are the bell-ringing Santas, strategically stationed outside of the most popular stores and malls, hoping to collect some extra change for the less fortunate, counting on the Christmas spirit to open hearts. Well, this year, the desperate minds of the Democratic party have found a way to besmirch even Saint Nick.
Reports are coming in even now, as early Black Friday sales begin, of men dressed in the familiar Santa Claus garb, ringing bells near charity kettles. But further investigation by members of disgraced fake news organizations like “Project Veritas” and “Brietbart” have found that these Jolly Old Jerk Offs are actually using the funds they collect to enrich the campaign coffers of Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Kamala Harris, just to name a few. Talk about naughty!
Award-winning President of the National Guild of Mall Security Officers, Joe Barronton offered some advice on how to tell the Christian hammers apart from the leftist scammers :
“What you’re looking for is any ‘Santa’ who might be somewhat young. Possibly wearing Birkenstocks. Any of them that drive up to their post in a Prius or a Nissan Leaf. Does he say ‘Happy holidays’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas?’ Big clue. You don’t want to be dropping your hard-earned American money into a pot for Elizabeth Warren to tool around in, that’s for sure. Be safe. Baba Booey.”
No Satanic Santa arrests have been made yet, as the police tend mostly to focus on incidents that aren’t completely fictional. But mark my words – soon you’ll be seeing plenty of men in red and white in a jail cell soon. Right next to most of President Trump’s disgraced friends.