AWOL Soldier Sues – ‘Won’t Serve Under Trump’


It’s a long, hard, nearly impossible hill to climb, but a person CAN successfully sue the government of the United States of America.  The question is whether or not Private First Class Joeseph Barron of Humpington Hills, Alabama, is that person.

Barron enlisted in the Army, just as his father had and his father before him.  Both fathers were unfortunately killed in patriotic battle before young Joeseph was born.  But he still felt that hard fighting American spiritual need to do violence that we all wake up with in our red, white and blue beds.

Vice President Mike Pence wakes up in this absolutely ginchy Disney Princess bed. It came with a wig, but he gave it the crabs.

All that changed after the election of 2016.  Barron had intended to serve under a real and competent President Clinton, someone qualified for leadership and wisdom, whom he could entrust with his very life and the vision of making a difference.  Realizing that Donald Trump was as far from that picture as anyone could possibly get, he left, becoming absent without leave, and spent the intervening time filling bags with milk in a Canadian factory.  They sell milk in bags, those nutty Canucks.

However, the Army caught up with him, and faced with jail time and a fine, he’s chosen to file suit against the administration, claiming that Trump is at fault.

“He’s very publicly incompetent and unsuited to lead anything bigger than a flea circus.   I mean, it’s obvious.  It’s obvious every goddamn day he’s on tv and says or does something stupider than before.  Hundreds of thousands of Americans lost their lives because he failed to handle a pandemic with all the tools and experts at his disposal.  You think I can trust him with MY life?  Uh uh.  No way, Jose.  He’s not my President.  He’s not ANYBODY’S President.  He’s a bad, toxic joke.  Homey does not play that.”

“If whitey didn’t own Hollywood, I’d have been Pennywisin them kids all up in your asses.”

Barron’s suit is making its way through the court system and is expected to become a major thorn in the President’s already legally bleeding paw.  Permission to speak freely, soldier.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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