‘Alice’s Restaurant’ Is The New Comet Pizza For Liberal Sickos

The truth is right in front of you

Several years back, the “Pizzagate” scandal emerged. This involved a pizza parlour in Washington state in which Democrats and liberals from all over would gather to partake in their carnal pleasures.

Once that location was exposed through some sharp investigative journalism, one wondered:  Where have they all gone? Well now we have the answer.

Alice’s restaurant is a small, quaint eatery on an island of the coast of Arizona where  customers can enjoy  a lovely view of Peru as they dine. The clientele is very much like that previously seen in Washington. Rumor has it that all the same “dishes” are on the menu and that business is booming.

The restaurant’s motto is “You can have anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant.” It’s a not so subtle message to its patrons that all of their desires are on the menu. That nothing is out-of-bounds.

The establishment’s manager is Mr. Gothree. He is doing his best to dispel the stories that have emerged about his eatery:

“There is nothing terrible going on here. Our motto comes from a song. A very famous song. I can’t believe you haven’t heard of it.

You people are lunatics. You just look for trouble. Of all the ways to try to vilify your political opponents, you choose this sick garbage? Over politics, of all things, you would choose to ruin people’s lives and get people killed? Deplorable is the right word for you.”

Pretty defensive. That’s not how innocent people act.

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I refused to evolve and wrote fake news for cash, so I got fired.

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