Black Antifa Pest Control Worker Causes Millions in Damage

ARREST THEM ALL!

You never know who might be a member of the insidious army known as “Antifa”.  It might be your neighbor, or the woman checking out your groceries, or your haggard but loveable barber.  For New York hotel manager Joe Barron, it was one of the members in a crew of exterminators that he had hired to address some infestation problems at his business, and ended up, after a flurry of violent outbursts later, millions of dollars in the hole.

Barron contends that the company, a plucky startup calling itself: “Ghostbusters”, sent a four-man team to his establishment when an unknown type of systemic trouble began to appear, threatening his business and reputation.  Upon arrival, the team and it’s sole black member identified by authorities as Winston Zeddemore, proceeded to operate unlicensed and scientifically-questionable equipment in what guests called : “A riot of vandalism, wanton destruction, and disregard for damage to private property.”

In other words, exactly like Lindsey Graham’s weekly “Saturday Night Sodomy” party.

Zeddemore, backed up by his crew, then explained to the manager and city authorities that they had been charged with fighting against a “fascist” occupation of the hotel and city by an alleged character, “Zuul”, and all four identified themselves as agents of Antifa who opposed what they saw as racist and abusive of authority upon the part of a bombastic authority figure.  As per new federal guidelines set out by impeached President Trump, Barron heard “Antifa”, and notified federal offices.

Also notified, Harry Potter and his magical ginger friends.

By the time the small contingent of supposed “anti-fascist” vigilantes were taken into custody, millions of dollars worth of damage had been done to the hotel, city streets and offices, several private vehicles, and hundreds of square feet of property.  Many citizens are also looking to join the manager in a class-action lawsuit after a white marshmallow-like “foam substance” caused visible damage to their clothing and personal belongings.

About Fallis Gunnington 148 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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