Sharpton Says Hurricane is : ‘God’s Sword Against Trump’


The Reverend Al Sharpton is a well-known and well-respected figure in both the civil rights leadership and religious circles.  His loud and boisterous speeches supporting African Americans, the downtrodden, and the persecuted masses have become nearly legendary, branding him a powerful voice in the world of public opinion and a bad enemy to make in politics.

Even worse than Ben Carson after someone tells him most people think he’s the black Ghostbuster.

I sat down with the reverend after his tax attorney Sandra Batt dropped him off at a local Dave & Buster’s entertainment lounge to get his take on today’s events for an article I’m preparing for American Queefer magazine.  The stocky but jovial hero took a seat at the opposite side of a sit-down Phoenix video game machine and used his unmistakable shouting timbre to order an appletini.

Dressed impeccably in an Armani suit with a blue tie emblazoned with the face of close friend and vampire hunter Wesley Snipes, Sharpton immediately launched into a harsh critique of the current President, Donald Trump.

“Let me tell you something about this demon Trump, Lord have mercy,” he began in that preacher drawl he’s become famous for.  “This man, and I hesitate to call him that realistically, is the biggest liar and most incompetent piece of trash our country has ever seen.  That’s why God has become so angered that He’s sent this hurricane, which we call ‘Sally’, to smite down as a mighty sword upon the more southern areas where his evil and twisted supporters hide.  Trump’s sheer disgust at the works and people of the Lord have begat not only this virus that destroys us, but has shaken the very sky in fury.  We must, as people of God, deny this ignorant and racist devil a second term if we are to survive.  It is out of our mortal hands.”

Luckily, a Japanese company is already working on a robot to impersonate Trump’s daughter and lure him into a giant mouse trap.

Sharpton ended the interview after deftly scoring the six-million point secret bonus on the game’s sixth stage by shooting three upwards-flying birds in a row and downing his cocktail.  I thanked him and watched with admiration as he headed quickly to a nearby child’s birthday party to score a discarded power card.  Even 4 points is enough for ski-ball.

About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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